Wishing, and Hoping, and Planning, and Dreaming...

Between work, school, and planning a wedding I have barely had the time to think. I am anxious and excited about tomorrow. I just keep thinking...tomorrow....my whole life is going to change. I am going to make it through the next 60 days if it kills me.

I will try to post regularly throughout the next couple of months, at least once every couple of days, if only to keep myself motivated and remind myself why I'm doing this in the first place. I will NOT start off my married life feeling like I'm in a fat suit I can't take off. I will be confident in myself one day. I will wash away the grit and grime of the last 3 years, the feeling that I'm not good enough, the nagging paranoia that keeps me from getting too close to anyone, the inability to voice my opinions and ideas because I am stuck in this corner, gagged with self consciousness. Every day I fight the desire to climb into the largest t-shirt I own, crawl into my bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep through the depression that seems to be crushing me from all sides, like a room with walls that keep pushing inward, keeping me from breathing. I have to beat this. I have to pull myself out of this without the help of pharmaceuticals that will do nothing more than turn me into a slobbering drone. I have to keep this image in my mind of me dancing on my wedding day in a flowing white dress with no embarrassment for who I am or what I look like....just me...beautiful and confident and becoming the person that I know I can be.

On a slightly brighter note, in my always-preset effort to save money, I am coming up with some great, crafty ideas for DIY wedding favors, flower girl dresses, decorations, and more :)

After doing some internet and super-center research, I found that most flower girl dresses run between 10 and 20 dollars a piece, and that's for the cheaper ones. With 10 flower girls in my wedding (both myself and my husband-to-be have very fertile siblings) I can't afford to spend 100 (or more) dollars on dresses for one occasion. I found a very inspiring tutorial on how to make my own flower girl dresses out of pillowcases! They are unbelievably adorable, and with material costs I should be able to get out for less than 60 bucks! Every dollar counts when you're on a budget as tight as mine lol.



This is the picture that the woman who wrote the tutorial posted. I will be using a bright turquoise fabric instead of the brown, and the best part is that I won't have to worry about sizing them (all of our nieces live fairly far away). I am pairing them with daisy headbands (for a bohemian/hippie look) and DIY flower girl baskets wrapped in ribbon.



We will be making our own flower crowns for myself and my bridesmaids, and since the wedding will take place right on the beach, I figured we could follow my hippie theme and skip the shoes.





I really liked the idea of doing the wedding altar with old wooden ladders, but I'm between that, and using pieces of wood to create the same effect. Instead of flower pots, I'm thinking bolts of turquoise and white mesh wrapped around the pillars.





 we have a large collection of wine and alcohol bottles that I thought would make cute candle holders and lights, a cheap alternative to renting large amounts of fancy candle holders :)

 We are renting a beach house, and plan to do the reception under and around it, and light it up with twinkly lights to create a romantic feel, hanging them from every available spot, and lighting up the tables where we'll be serving food and drinks :)

 I'm planning on making cookies with turquoise m&m's from our local candy store, and peanut butter chips, wrapping them in CD sleeves, and printing out cute little labels for them to give away as wedding favors.

 Since we're doing an outdoor wedding at the beach, complete with a bonfire (or two...maybe lol) we thought it would be a cute idea to individually wrap some s'mores ingredients with cellophane for the kiddos (and the rest of us!) and laying them out on the food service table.

 We thought it would be a cute idea to create a "circle of love" instead of the traditional rows of chairs for our intimate ceremony (we've narrowed it down to 35 guests from nearly 100 to save money and keep everything small and simple, only the people we really feel passionate about sharing our special day with)

  These are a couple of the wedding dresses that I thought would tie in with my bohemian theme. Aren't they beautiful? lol.

I'm a huge Beatles fan,and a believer in the fact that all you need is love,  so instead of opting for the traditional gold band I found this lovely sterling silver band for less than 30 dollars :)

I have been debating with myself on whether or not to post my "before" pictures before the fast. I am so embarrassed to show my disgusting body so publicly. I will definitely have a set of "before and after" shots in 60 days...but I'm not sure I'm ready to put myself out there like that...

Ok, I guess that's enough blabbing for tonight. I have a big day tomorrow :) I'll be back tomorrow night to let you know how my first day of juice fasting went. Check out the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" if you get a chance :) Maybe it will inspire you to take up juicing. I can tell you now that I have noticed a change already, just switching a juice for coffee and desert the past week and a half.

Wish me luck haha
Happy juicing :)

xoxo
Daisy <3